Well, I said I would make more of an effort after basketball was over...for me it is over. My bracket is so screwed up. I have no teams in it anymore. Well I just found out too that I have been laid off from my job. So that's either going to make it easier or harder. Easier cause smokes went up to almost 6 bucks after tax. Harder cause there aint shit to do now. It was easiest not smoking at work. In fact I hadn't smoked at work at all since the 20th of Jan. I want to drink so I can have an excuse to smoke. I might have a beer and a shot right now and go out side... I have all my expenses figured out. I am supposed to get the call back on May 26th. Thats only 9 weeks away. I have enough saved up and my severence to last almost 4 months. And with a few unemployment checks, I'm fine. I still want to work so i dont get all lazy and go nuts. Oh and I have noticed too, I went from 4mg to 2mg of Commits too soon. I have almost 2 bottles of Commits left, but they are the 2mg...not sure if I should save em ot go get some 4's...my be I'll get a check first. Gotta be smart about all this...

The title says it all. I like smoking. I am trying to quit though. I started quitting on Jan 20th, 2009. Just happened to be Inauguration Day. That had no influence what so ever. I am not an Obama supporter at all, in fact I am very conservative... None of that has anything to do with me wanting to quit smoking. Fact is, I like it and hate it at the same time. I have been smoking since 1994. That also happens to be the same time my mom died. She wasn't a smoker, my dad was a smoker, he actually died in 95 though. Thing is I know I started smoking not as a way to rebel, but because I was depressed. I hid it from my family and friends, well tried to. When you smoke you dont notice the smell as much as someone who doesnt. I am learning that now. At the time I found that some of my friends smoked too, some more than others, some just because they thought it was cool. Then it turned into habit once I didnt have to hide it from my friends.
I have tried to stop before. Sometimes I failed because I didnt want to quit. Sometimes it was because all my friends smoked and drinking and smoking was all that we had incommon.

Well this time its different. One, I am in my mid 30's, so a little bit of life experience should help right? My buddies at work decieded we would do it together. My wife decieded she would quit too. It was easy at first, alot easier than I thought it would be, sure there were a few urges, but I worked through them. But it was about the second or third week that would really test things. I got sent out of town for a week for my job. Well the town we went to there isnt a lot to do to occupy ones time. So we drink to pass the time. We smoke when we drink. We drank alot. Surprising though I only smoked 2 packs that week. I was smoking just over a pack a day. So I felt that it was ok since I was out of town and only smoked when I drank.

That was a little while ago, and things havent changed much. I still dont smoke at work. But I look forward to the weekend a little bit more than I used to. Cause on the weekends is the only time I drink, and that makes it ok to smoke. But then come Mondays, its like starting all over again. Granted its not like it was. I have been using the Commits to make it through the week. I was on the 4mg and felt confident enough I went down to the 2mg. I have learned I wasnt ready to go to the 2's yet, so during the week I am back on the 4's.
I keep making excuses on why I wont stop on the weekends. Like right now March madness is in full swing! GO Jayhawks! Work is slow so I am able to take off Thursdays and Fridays to watch the first 4 rounds. I enjoy a few beers or whiskey and waters when I watch sports all day. Therefore I smoke all day. But I say after the finals I will not drink or smoke on the weekends. We'll see how well that goes.